Pray with Me

I sat down. Close, but not too close to the front. Enough to see the eyeballs of the preacher, but far enough away that I could remain anonymous. Intently I listened as he spoke. Listening for the subtle brainwashing or corrupt biblical interpretations that my hyper vigilant mind demanded of me. Listening, praying, and hoping it would not be there. As I sat in suspense, something happened that should be normal for me now, but still always catches me off guard. Instead of finding the reason to run (that I have yet to find here) I noticed myself narrow in on a question he asks that I too, have been deeply engrossed in for weeks. Spending all my time researching in hopes to wrap my head around this question.

“How do you feel knowing God loves you enemies?” The pastor spoke. 

In my answer I have felt so alone. I have found myself on the outside looking in on dozens of conversations. Each one allowing more and more hurt into my heart. My answer, although it feeling self righteous in typing… is a deep knowledge and a great gift God has nestled into my heart. 

How do I feel knowing God loves my enemies? Relief. Hope. Holy surrender.  

Yet for the past few years it has seemed increasingly voiced the comment “some people are just too far gone.” Or “there’s just no hope for them.” To a point where the quiet discomfort has grown into an audible and inability to stay silent. “Then you do not believe in God.” I’ve said now a handful of times in response. And what began as an unsettling chipping away at my soul, became one of my greatest convictions. Matthew 5:44 “But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you. In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in Heaven.” Which is a great verse, but why is it damped by comments so disparaging as some people are too broken to ever be healed?

The Pastor then cautioned: “Do you have empathy or animosity for people and situations?” True to my life, I started from a place of animosity. Of complete disbelief for the nature of humans and the profoundly dark experience of falling on my face over and over again. Of thinking that I was strong enough or that things didn’t phase me. Of aligning myself subconsciously with the description of addiction rather than of Surender to the God of the universe. And that is why I want you to believe me. I would have no air in my lungs or fire in my soul without the miracles of Jesus. And with that, all things are possible this I know. No one is too far gone.

The Pastor went on. “Three mistakes we make when we love our enemies. Number one: forget who you are and where you came from.” Thoughts flooded me… isn’t this what our enemies did in the first place? Would we really fall into the “hurt people, hurt people” narrative that we have heard since elementary school? But we do, I did. And when I realized that, compassion overcame me and never left. We are God’s children and you cannot claim that you are until you realize that we ALL are. Every last human on earth has the entitlement to this, if they so choose.

The next mistake he posed “Are you praying for the destruction of people or of their false ideology?” And there it was. The words I needed to express what has been placed on my heart for all of 2025. It’s not the people I’ve been at war with, it’s their theology, their coping mechanisms, their need for control. It’s not the people I’ve been at war with, it was MY old theology, MY coping mechanisms, MY need for control. Finally I understood the phrase ‘people are mirrors.’ When I had a negative response from an interaction it was because they were reflecting back something in me that I wasn’t letting go, or hidden fears/insecurities I had, MY false ideology!! Redemption came when I laid that which was false as the foot of the cross and said no more.

Finally as the sermon came to an end he spoke the third mistake we make “We demand repentance before showing compassion. When we package morality with grace, we gate keep the gospel.” I love because I was loved first my the Almighty. And the only way to love the Almighty, is to love all. Because we were loved while we were still sinners we must love those still finding their way. Even if their actions hurt us. We must forgive because we are forgiven and the price of my salvation I gladly give to Jesus to pay because if not, I will always be in debt. My “enemy” will always be in debt. So before I cast stones, I must ask if I’m willing to take the rocks with my name on it. I am not willing. 

All of this to say, I am starting to open up more about the theologies that hurt me (under the banner that I love the mouthes they came from). I’m leaning into loving. I know that there is hope for every person. God calls us to show Christlike love, but not to be other’s licensed physicians. God is the only one qualified to heal. Which he can because he is sovereign, he’s better than us! There is no hope for them through

us but through God!! We are called to have compassion and grace through their journey (of that compassion and grace has been given to us). And OUR journey as well! We are doing our best, and if we aren’t I’ll be the first to say “been there, done that.” But that old life is over and there is Joy in the new one.

Pray for me as I separate the wheat (God’s children) from the chaff (bad theology and coping mechanisms.) Or, pray with me!