Patience, Kindness, and Faithfulness

It hasn’t yet been a year since joining my new church. I can’t help but reflect on where these months have taken my family. In late October of 2025, I dropped off my son at Kids Ministry at that church for the first time and walked away with a prayer in my heart that he would be okay there. I was constantly checking my phone for a text telling me to come pick him up. I took him, with hope that he would behave. My son had a "bad rep" it seemed everywhere we went. I was so used to being called in because he was having a hard time expressing himself appropriately. It was such a lonely and devastating feeling. My best case scenario was that if he could make a friend and play quietly in a corner then it might be ok. I was defeated and lost. My son is incredible and so many people missed out on what he had to offer because they simply did not have the bandwidth or resources needed to help him when he was struggling to communicate and connect. 

I can still remember the exact seat I was in, and my heart still races thinking of that first time a member of Kids Ministry pulled me aside because of my son's behavior. I said I was sorry and would pick him up. I crumbled into a million pieces right in front of her when she said "I want to know how to help him."

I was in shock, honestly, I still am. Everywhere we had been before, the response had been, “if he is going to yell or lash out he cannot be here.” I want to say that I understand there have to be boundaries when behavior becomes disruptive. But what I wish people knew was that he behaved like that, because he was struggling. I know places need to operate with the needs of everyone in mind, and I understand that his behavior was disruptive. But every time I took his hand and we walked away it chipped away at both of us. 

Things did not become magically better because one person asked me how they could help. It took months of readjustments, of still being pulled out, and of recommendations from staff members on how I could support him at home so they could continue that support in Kids Ministry. I didn't fully understand what they meant at first. They weren't giving me behavior modifications. The conversations were "How about you come to an earlier service where there are fewer kids?" and "We made special harder questions for him to answer so he isn't as bored. We paired him with someone who knows the Bible really well.” They continued finding ways to meet him where he was. 

One day, I sat in my son's classroom at school and decided it was his last day there. He spent two hard years trying to adjust, and it still wasn't working. I knew it; we were done with public school (March 2026). He had great teachers, he had a behavioral plan and IEP, I know his teachers were invested in trying to help him. 

The next day, in the meeting at school to pull his enrollment, I told them "thank you for trying but he is not adapting. I have said from the beginning that my son needed to earn your trust, and that trust comes harder for him. Most importantly, he needed to know you were not going to leave him. I want to thank you for trying. My son's language about you as his teacher went from 'I can't stand you' to ‘Yeah, he's alright.’ I sincerely thanked that school for trying but my son's social battery was drained.

Two weeks later someone at Kids Ministry came up to me and said "Wow your son has come so far. I've been doing this for a long time and 4th-5th grade is such a critical time in a child's spiritual development. Your son seems to be adjusting and trusting us a lot more!" It was the confirmation that I needed. It was a church that noticed him. 

This process and the hardship my family endured taught me something profound about why God calls us to care for one another. Why did God allow my son to experience so much pain and trauma? Why did we experience so many people who were not able or equipped to help us? But where this line of questioning brought me was a deeper understanding of the words of Scripture. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." (Psalm 68:5)

As a widow myself I have thought long and hard about how to "be the mom and the dad." I've searched the world for answers, looked to people for help, and searched for places we could heal. The problem I kept facing was that, as much as I wanted to be everything my children needed, I was never meant to do it entirely alone-and I could not force other to come alongside us. My relationship with God is strong, my kids know this. But my church gave them a place to experience God's love through community. They partnered with me. 

 One day, my daughter came home and told me all about the Fruit of the Spirit. I had no idea what that was at the time, but it absolutely made my jaw drop. Kids Ministry taught her and then she came home and taught me! It was the first time I had ever heard of the Fruit of the Spirit! We soon studied it together and I got a poster for her room so we could memorize them. It became vocabulary we use every day now. 

Our church gave us a place to experience the Fruit of the Spirit in action. We experienced God's love. My son now looks forward to Kids Ministry. Through all of this, I have seen the character of God described in Psalm 68:5 in a way that I had never understood before. As a widow raising my children, I prayed for people who would come alongside us, and God has used the people in our church to help my children know his love. Through patience, kindness, and faithfulness my children now have an example beyond what my tired and overextended self can offer. God heard my cry to give my son a relationship with Jesus. God is working through this ministry to teach through example God's love, his fruits, and to trust. 

We still have hard days, but I feel like I got my son back. I am not constantly checking my phone or in a low grade panic attack when I leave him places. More and more people are experiencing my amazing son because he has had a place to heal his nervous system, and learn he will be ok (and might actually enjoy!!) when I drop him off.